Freaked

Ok, just so everyone knows - this was not published because Jamie reminded me - I think he got sick of it - but simple because I finally realized how lax I've become in writing. So here you go.

Have you ever been thoroughly scared by a close friend or family member? Like one of those turn around the corner in a dark room at midnight and someone pops out at you kind of things... and the thing that amazes me is that as soon as you realize it's just a friend/brother/acquantance you're mind still doesn't calm down right away. Just so you know, I'm not *that* easily scared since I've learned to expect brothers and cousins to pop out of corners but people around dark houses that are empty don't feel quite the same... and when I got thoroughly freaked once it took me at least 5 minutes to stop breathing hard and let my heart calm down even though I knew it was fine.

Why is that? Is it some mind-reality link that gets rusty when not used frequently or just something else? Anyway, there are my two cents for the moment. My best wishes for a very un-scary year.;-)

But to be on the safe side - remember to expect your brother to be around the corner in a dark empty house at midnight. It'll help you breathe easier when it happens.;-)

Cousins....!:-)

Any and all of you readers should be glad that I have a cousin named Jamie, because if I didn't, I doubt I would update this blog half as often as I do.;-) Yes, he told me Friday night to update it again... so I am.

Speaking of cousins, I had a bunch of them over on Friday night (and a few friends) and it was a lot of fun. The funniest part about it for me was how little we've changed. Sure, we're taller, and we probably fight less, but pull out a board game and the dynamics are exactly the same as they were in the old days... I suppose that could be annoying (if you know what our game-playing used to be like or are one of the married-in cousins that never knew and wonder why your husband is acting this way;-)), but in a way it's kind of comforting.

And with the slight changes that the new additions make, our family dynamics are even better. Not only are my cousin's wives perfect for balancing them out, but they're new females that I can actually communicate with when the guys go into "Greek" (aka computers, mechanics, or "guy stuff").:-) We can actually have our own separate conversations instead of me just sitting there and getting a glazed look over my eyes when they find one of those rabbit trails... To think that I could describe a formal dress in the same room as my cousins! It really is amazing.:-)

So all in all, my cousins are still the same "brothers" that I know I can laugh with, groan at, depend on , and love for the rest of eternity....

So Bill, did you figure out the rules yet?;-)

Worry

Well silly, ridiculous, worrying me was pretty stressed this week... about a number of things including my review. I have to admit, having 3 people laid off the 2 weeks before I got the review didn't help, and neither did the 3 weeks it took to get it scheduled, I didn't feel like I had enough work... but still, why do I worry so much?

Worry is such an interesting thing, the more you think about it, the more it grows. If you just decide to ignore the thought and think of something else it typically goes away! And most of the time if I would just ignore the thought I'd probably be more correct. But no, instead I stewed over it. Yes, I did pray about it - a LOT- but it only calmed my nerves without totally reducing the worry. It helped, but didn't eliminate it completely because I was too worried.:-/

Why do we worry so much? I think I need to post the verse "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself" on my desk wall! Who knows, maybe that will catch my eye the next time my nerves are unhinged!

Oh, about the review - I had it yesterday afternoon. And I honestly have no idea what was wrong with me - I got more work, a promotion, and a raise all at once! So now I'm really the "Marketing Coordinator" and being paid a bit more for it.... God is great - much greater than I'll ever deserve!

Do you really...??

Ok, ok, already - I'll update my blog.;-) I guess life has just seemed busy and stressful and unknown lately (all at once!) so I haven't had the time or desire to post my thoughts out to the world... but this morning I thought of a good rant.;-)

Have you ever noticed that when someone gets a drastic haircut there is no way for them to really know what others think about the haircut? Because if they notice - they have to say it looks nice (or something to that effect), and if they don't notice - they're marked as "impossible" and probably masculine...;-)

I got my hair cut shorter than usual last night and was quite thrilled about it (funny how haircuts make you feel less stressed) until I walked into the door at home and saw a few jaws hit the ground.... they say it looks "really good" but very different (No, my dad hasn't even seen it yet;-)).

And I suppose it is different for me, but somehow my head doesn't surprise me when I see it in the mirror or anything - I guess it's because I've been contemplating it for so long.

Here at work this morning it was pretty amusing as well. I sit at the receptionists desk so it was easy to spot people's reactions as they came in. Especially the "I know something's different, but could I be wrong, what is it, I'll pretend not to see!" look in a number of male co-workers eyes. Then there were the usual, "You got a haircut, it looks great!" "I love your hair." or "Did you just curl your hair different again?" comments... The best that actually got be back to liking the cut again was - "It looks like you've got a hot date this weekend - or courting, whatever you call it." And no, I don't. Besides, men supposedly hate short hair anyway so how would that work?;-) But I guess it was a compliment anyway.:-)

So anyway.... I *think* that like it... and sometimes the weird looks are the best part of the haircut.;-)

Long Faces in Church?

I overheard a conversation on churches this morning as it walked by my desk. They were joking about how no one ever smiles at church - until it's over. But they weren't just joking, one woman was very serious about how people never smile at her church.

Having grown up attending churches that smile (despite the fact that they're Presbyterian;-)), I find that pretty sad. If church is a place where we meet to worship God and recognize what He has done in our lives and what He will do with them - why aren't we smiling about it? And if, like many modern "churches", it's just a community of friends that meet once a week - why don't they at least smile about that? I suppose this woman's church is neither of those and simply one that lives on for the sake of tradition with attendees that keep going for the sake of legalism or tradition. I wish that I could have bumped into the conversation at that moment, but I couldn't.

If you think of it, pray that I get an opportunity to invite her to a church that smiles - and preaches the Word.

"The Unknown" - my oldest companion and purest enemy

I still remember one of my favorite past times as a 5 year old child - organizing my books based on height and topic. I think that even in the bare beginnings of my life I loved to establish as much order from chaos as possible. Part of that involved spending hours reading old books (the endings never change), drawing house plans, organizing my closet, and creating endless lists of names, characters, and lives to be precisely laid out in my imagination.

But real life has always refused to stay organized. I realize that it's all for a greater plan and out of my hands (and have learned to prefer it that way!;-)), but at the same time I automatically keep trying to pull it all back into order. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't pulled back into chaos just because I focus so much on making order of it, finding clarity, or at least grabbing a flashlight on my way into the cave of unknown. As I've gotten older, I've learned to slightly diminish how much I rely on organization, but it's still a struggle.

The other side is that I can't understand the opposite thinking - where some people stay as far from organization as possible. I know it's valuable, and I see their quest for adventure, but how can anyone walk through the dark without wanting a flashlight? I at least want the hand of someone that knows the way.

If it was for sale - I'd be tempted to buy my map of life. But I'm just left with a few general directions, an invisible guide, and the knowledge that the end will come out FABULOUS. I suppose that should be enough for me - who needs more than God being over their lives after all - but sometimes I just wish it could be more organized.;-)

The other side of the story...

You know how your mother taught you never to guess a woman's age or weight if she seemed to be over 20 years old? And if forced to, guess under? We all know that she meant to save you from guessing more than the real age or weight and getting whammed with one of those strictly-feminine-looks-of-disgust. But I'm here as living proof that it doesn't always work that way.

For the minority-that's-bigger-than-you-think of people that look younger than their age and weigh less than they want to (like me;-)), you really DON'T want to guess under. Not that I'd be mad about it - but plenty of others would! I just realized this fact again when a salesman walked up to my reception desk today and commented, "Either your company hires young teenagers, or you look really young for your age". I smiled sweetly, stated that I was in my 20s, and secretly wondered who his mother was.;-)

So if any of you guys are tempted to guess a woman's age or weight - please don't. And yes, that include the ones that look like they're 12.;-) And never, I repeat, never use comments on weight or age as any kind of pick up line!

Just trying to help you enhance your life a little bit more - :-)