Cousins....!:-)

Any and all of you readers should be glad that I have a cousin named Jamie, because if I didn't, I doubt I would update this blog half as often as I do.;-) Yes, he told me Friday night to update it again... so I am.

Speaking of cousins, I had a bunch of them over on Friday night (and a few friends) and it was a lot of fun. The funniest part about it for me was how little we've changed. Sure, we're taller, and we probably fight less, but pull out a board game and the dynamics are exactly the same as they were in the old days... I suppose that could be annoying (if you know what our game-playing used to be like or are one of the married-in cousins that never knew and wonder why your husband is acting this way;-)), but in a way it's kind of comforting.

And with the slight changes that the new additions make, our family dynamics are even better. Not only are my cousin's wives perfect for balancing them out, but they're new females that I can actually communicate with when the guys go into "Greek" (aka computers, mechanics, or "guy stuff").:-) We can actually have our own separate conversations instead of me just sitting there and getting a glazed look over my eyes when they find one of those rabbit trails... To think that I could describe a formal dress in the same room as my cousins! It really is amazing.:-)

So all in all, my cousins are still the same "brothers" that I know I can laugh with, groan at, depend on , and love for the rest of eternity....

So Bill, did you figure out the rules yet?;-)

Worry

Well silly, ridiculous, worrying me was pretty stressed this week... about a number of things including my review. I have to admit, having 3 people laid off the 2 weeks before I got the review didn't help, and neither did the 3 weeks it took to get it scheduled, I didn't feel like I had enough work... but still, why do I worry so much?

Worry is such an interesting thing, the more you think about it, the more it grows. If you just decide to ignore the thought and think of something else it typically goes away! And most of the time if I would just ignore the thought I'd probably be more correct. But no, instead I stewed over it. Yes, I did pray about it - a LOT- but it only calmed my nerves without totally reducing the worry. It helped, but didn't eliminate it completely because I was too worried.:-/

Why do we worry so much? I think I need to post the verse "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself" on my desk wall! Who knows, maybe that will catch my eye the next time my nerves are unhinged!

Oh, about the review - I had it yesterday afternoon. And I honestly have no idea what was wrong with me - I got more work, a promotion, and a raise all at once! So now I'm really the "Marketing Coordinator" and being paid a bit more for it.... God is great - much greater than I'll ever deserve!

Do you really...??

Ok, ok, already - I'll update my blog.;-) I guess life has just seemed busy and stressful and unknown lately (all at once!) so I haven't had the time or desire to post my thoughts out to the world... but this morning I thought of a good rant.;-)

Have you ever noticed that when someone gets a drastic haircut there is no way for them to really know what others think about the haircut? Because if they notice - they have to say it looks nice (or something to that effect), and if they don't notice - they're marked as "impossible" and probably masculine...;-)

I got my hair cut shorter than usual last night and was quite thrilled about it (funny how haircuts make you feel less stressed) until I walked into the door at home and saw a few jaws hit the ground.... they say it looks "really good" but very different (No, my dad hasn't even seen it yet;-)).

And I suppose it is different for me, but somehow my head doesn't surprise me when I see it in the mirror or anything - I guess it's because I've been contemplating it for so long.

Here at work this morning it was pretty amusing as well. I sit at the receptionists desk so it was easy to spot people's reactions as they came in. Especially the "I know something's different, but could I be wrong, what is it, I'll pretend not to see!" look in a number of male co-workers eyes. Then there were the usual, "You got a haircut, it looks great!" "I love your hair." or "Did you just curl your hair different again?" comments... The best that actually got be back to liking the cut again was - "It looks like you've got a hot date this weekend - or courting, whatever you call it." And no, I don't. Besides, men supposedly hate short hair anyway so how would that work?;-) But I guess it was a compliment anyway.:-)

So anyway.... I *think* that like it... and sometimes the weird looks are the best part of the haircut.;-)

Long Faces in Church?

I overheard a conversation on churches this morning as it walked by my desk. They were joking about how no one ever smiles at church - until it's over. But they weren't just joking, one woman was very serious about how people never smile at her church.

Having grown up attending churches that smile (despite the fact that they're Presbyterian;-)), I find that pretty sad. If church is a place where we meet to worship God and recognize what He has done in our lives and what He will do with them - why aren't we smiling about it? And if, like many modern "churches", it's just a community of friends that meet once a week - why don't they at least smile about that? I suppose this woman's church is neither of those and simply one that lives on for the sake of tradition with attendees that keep going for the sake of legalism or tradition. I wish that I could have bumped into the conversation at that moment, but I couldn't.

If you think of it, pray that I get an opportunity to invite her to a church that smiles - and preaches the Word.

"The Unknown" - my oldest companion and purest enemy

I still remember one of my favorite past times as a 5 year old child - organizing my books based on height and topic. I think that even in the bare beginnings of my life I loved to establish as much order from chaos as possible. Part of that involved spending hours reading old books (the endings never change), drawing house plans, organizing my closet, and creating endless lists of names, characters, and lives to be precisely laid out in my imagination.

But real life has always refused to stay organized. I realize that it's all for a greater plan and out of my hands (and have learned to prefer it that way!;-)), but at the same time I automatically keep trying to pull it all back into order. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't pulled back into chaos just because I focus so much on making order of it, finding clarity, or at least grabbing a flashlight on my way into the cave of unknown. As I've gotten older, I've learned to slightly diminish how much I rely on organization, but it's still a struggle.

The other side is that I can't understand the opposite thinking - where some people stay as far from organization as possible. I know it's valuable, and I see their quest for adventure, but how can anyone walk through the dark without wanting a flashlight? I at least want the hand of someone that knows the way.

If it was for sale - I'd be tempted to buy my map of life. But I'm just left with a few general directions, an invisible guide, and the knowledge that the end will come out FABULOUS. I suppose that should be enough for me - who needs more than God being over their lives after all - but sometimes I just wish it could be more organized.;-)

The other side of the story...

You know how your mother taught you never to guess a woman's age or weight if she seemed to be over 20 years old? And if forced to, guess under? We all know that she meant to save you from guessing more than the real age or weight and getting whammed with one of those strictly-feminine-looks-of-disgust. But I'm here as living proof that it doesn't always work that way.

For the minority-that's-bigger-than-you-think of people that look younger than their age and weigh less than they want to (like me;-)), you really DON'T want to guess under. Not that I'd be mad about it - but plenty of others would! I just realized this fact again when a salesman walked up to my reception desk today and commented, "Either your company hires young teenagers, or you look really young for your age". I smiled sweetly, stated that I was in my 20s, and secretly wondered who his mother was.;-)

So if any of you guys are tempted to guess a woman's age or weight - please don't. And yes, that include the ones that look like they're 12.;-) And never, I repeat, never use comments on weight or age as any kind of pick up line!

Just trying to help you enhance your life a little bit more - :-)

I can't understand the American love for frozen dinners:-/

In an effort to pay off my car as soon as possible, I'm trying to be cheap AND save time when it comes to work lunches.

*trying*

So yesterday I bought a frozen dinner that was on sale - what better way to make sure the meal costs $2 or less and can be put together in seconds, right? Wrong... Today I ate it.

I was thoroughly nauseated by the middle of the meal (but made myself finish it 'cause I needed the protien) and now I'm crunching carrots and trying to forget the stone in my stomach. I guess I was just spoiled so much with good homemade food that I can't stand the pre-made stuff. My mother ruined my tastebuds for life. But I kind of like it that way - I'll just have to go back to the make a casserole ahead of time and freeze it in separate containers method... oh well.:-)

Cooking is more fun than throwing a box in the microwave any way. Back to pots and pans!

Old, Senile and Decrepit

I stayed up until 4:30 am Saturday night/morning.
It was not a good idea.

The next day I had 2 open houses to attend and was entirely out of it until possibly 5pm that evening, scared at least one friend, and am still not entirely sure if the rest of the world survived.

I need sleep.;-)

My sister says that I'm getting old and senile, and after realizing I can't function on 5 hours of sleep any more I'm beginning to wonder if she's right! LOL, time catches up at last - next thing I know I'll start needing regular afternoon naps.;-)

Pushing the Rules

As most of you know, I went to a college with rules... lots of rules... And as some of you know, I went back in the area about a week ago to visit family and take a short vacation.

What struck me the most (Jamie can attest to this) when I got off the plane and walked down to get my luggage was how much I enjoyed wearing my jeans in the airport because I could never do that there before. But what's the deal with wearing jeans in public? I do it EVERYWHERE here, in fact, I even wore jeans to church once or twice - and I think nothing of it. But somehow when I was back there it was a big deal. It was fun to sit in the Olive Garden looking for khaki skirts (knowing I wasn't wearing one), driving to a "real" beach blasting normal music (without looking for palm tree stickers), and going to the movie theature. Here where I live it's just a part of average life, there it was an adventure. But why?

I think that our human natures give us the desire to push the rules. It doesn't really matter whether it's a rule about wearing skirts, or just not walking on the grass of a public building - we always want to push it just a little more. Like Eve in the garden, we start by just looking at the fruit, seeing what it could do for us, and then possibly going ahead to take that bite.

Just knowing that what I did had been "taboo" in the past, made it entertainment. It makes me wonder what else I do to push my lines and if some of the things I do are just a reaction to my past and "because I can now". When life stops being a rule book of black and white (at home and college) it gets harder to see my reasons behind what I do and where my focus really should be. I guess the point is just to find out for myself through prayer and the Word.

But it's still fun to wear jeans.;-)

Just Dreaming

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." - by William Dement

I read that quote today, and I'm not sure that I fully agree with it. First of all, yes, it does create a "safe" way to be insaine and technically it does happen every night (that one sleeps) - but dreams don't always feel that safe... and I don't always want to be "permitted" to be insane.

Has anyone else ever dreaded sleeping because they are afraid of where their mind may take them? Thankfully it doesn't happen often, but through a few stressful periods of my life I just haven't wanted to go to sleep because I'm afraid of what my mind will conjure up next! Yes, most of my dreams are stupid and make no sense, but quite a few of them have caused me to wonder how much of the dream was actually just a dream.

The funny thing is that I rarely have nightmares when my life is normal, only when I'm already in the middle of a stressful situation does my sleep desicde to go crazy. Maybe it's just because I'm not sleeping as well so I wake up before the cycle's over? I don't know, I'm just glad I don't get them much.

Technically, I would much rather just sleep without dreams - it would be so much easier to wake up without having something on your mind... wouldn't it? Who knows, maybe it would get boring after a while.:-)

Everybody needs a little Greek place

Whenever my mornings are rushed, I can't bring lunch, and it's been one "those days", I call in an order and go to "my little Greek place" for lunch. It's a short drive, but even in the short 10 minutes it takes me to get there and back life is turned back into something more manageable and nothing seems quite as impossible. The first reason why life is better is just because I get outdoors, roll down my windows, and blast music that my coworkers probably don't know exists.:-) And I'm usually singing along - yes, it's scary.

But here's the other reason - it's my little Greek place! When I call in I never say my name, and they never ask (any more:-)) - in fact, I used to be so boring that I wouldn't have to state the order... but then I decided to try some new things and threw them for a loop. The owner, Nick, doesn't know my orders quite as well as the rest of them (Emily has my order before I get to the counter because she sees my car), but he's jovial and almost exactly what you would expect the owner to look like (shorter, not thin, gray, balding, mustache, always smiling). He's one of those nice anti-metropolitan personal types that doesn't pry, but does ask and tell stories and share life with you if you'll let him.:-) You should hear the story he tells about his grandparents leaving Greece on a fishing boat... I can't even try to tell it right, but it's cool.

And yes, the thing that originally caught me there was the food. Feta is inspiring and Greek salad with marinated grilled chicken is amazing. Homemade soup makes colds feel better, and gyros are plentiful for a big meal if anyone wants it... yes, I love my greek place, and I happily wish the same to any and all of my friends.:-)

No pain, no.... joy?

I've been contemplating pain and joy lately and I think that they are pretty intertwined. Just think, if you never experienced joy, how could you understand the depth that pain goes to? And if you never experienced pain, how could you know how amazing joy really is? It seems to me that we need the comparison of each to understand and experience the completeness of the other. Pain helps us remember how amazing joy is by keeping us in the reality of pain for a moment outside of the joys we have expereinced. And joy does the same by letting us feel the extent of its glory because of our own experience with pain.

Perhaps that is why God let Adam fall? So that by the time we get to Heaven we truly understand how amazing and perfect it is! Who knows, but it's a thought.

Funny how even with that comparison I'd rather have the joy than the pain any day!;-)

What clears your head?

My brain is fuzzy and tired. I suppose I could blame it on life, lack of sleep, health, or all manner of things but I feel like it's a sort of unending power struggle today:

.....Yes, I can think just let me try coffee... Ok, so that doesn't work, running to the mailbox outside?... Stuffing Envelopes?.... Peppermint tea?....Lunch?..... Psalms?... Prayer?.... Nope, brain is still fuzzy. Does anyone out there know how to clear their brain?:-D

And please, do not say meditation.;-)

Angel?

I consider it the sign of a true friend when they can actually tell what I'm thinking... but sometimes it's quite annoying.;-) A few days ago a friend of mine did something against me (minor, but still) and I threatened to get him back by revealing certain info to others (not top secret, just close) - he looked at me and laughed, "No you wouldn't, you're too nice". *glare* and he's right.

Why is it so impossible for me to do "real" practical jokes but insainly easy for me to be overly sarcastic and over-step myself when I'm in "one of those moods" (low blood sugar, bad day, etc)? And the real problem is not necesarily that I don't have the ability to do real practical jokes or retribution - but that everyone knows it.;-)

It kind of reminds me when I was about 7 and played "I Doubt It" with my cousins but couldn't lie, and they knew it! Am I that readable?

*Shakes head* - Why am I so easy to read when it comes to that? Sometimes I wish I could stop being careful, but when I try I just feel guilty! lis :-)

Country by accident....

As many of you know, I have never been able to remember the names of artists or songs - even if I like them.;-) Well, today I went to Best Buy in need of a "music fix" (yes, I'm starting to collect music and ACTUALLY BUY IT!!!;-))... it was a hard week.... so I passed a "Rascal Flats" album, turned it around and read the song titles. Oh sweet, "What Hurts the Most", I know that song! I really love that song at this moment and something in my strange tired and stressed little mind said, "this will extend my collection into alternative"... maybe because I've been listening to a lot of Alternative songs that are like that song (believe it or not, country haters:-p))... yeah, I'm dumb.

So I brought it home, turned it on, and realized - I do love this group's music, and it is the right song, and the rest of it is quite fitting as well... but it's not alternative.;-) 104.9 is slightly different than 107.3 I suppose.... oh well. I do like country anyway, I suppose that something in my subliminal mind keeps me buying it even when I look for "newer" stuff.:-)

So much for broadening my horizons, oh well, I'll try to get "real" alternative music from my cuz when I go to visit him.:-)

Yes, I'm starting another one...

No one read the old one, so lets see if this helps at all. I guess I will try to post later, but for the moment....

ttyl!